Do you have a parent or older adult in your life that is trying to decide on living arrangements for the last part of their life? Have you all made a pinkie promise to each other that this older adult(s) will be able to stay at home, no matter the situation, and live out their days in that home?
"The Clash" was an English rock band formed in London in 1976 and were a key player in the original wave of British Punk Rock. One of their popular songs was “Do I Stay or Do I Go Now”. While I am sure that they weren't referring to a move to Assisted Living, these lyrics take on a new meaning when looked at through the prism of the “Move Discussion”.
“Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double”
I’m Not Old Enough!
The number one thing I hear from my clients is that they are not old enough to move to Assisted Living. Very regularly, when we take a tour, the client will walk away and say “Those people are too old, what will I talk to them about? We have nothing in common”. They think that if they go, there will be trouble.
Do you feel younger than the age on your driver’s license? If you are like most Baby Boomers, you regularly talk about how young you feel and act and look. However, at the end of the day, we are all slowing down and, at the age of 60, we do not do the same things in the same way that we did at 30, nor can we physically do those things. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been able to do a cartwheel in years, even though I was a gymnast in school.
When considering moving to a new place with other aging adults, there is a concern about loss of independence and control. However, in some circumstances, it is the safest and healthiest place for everyone. If you are close to an older adult and there is a concern about safety and health, it is time to do some investigation, because if they stay, there may be double trouble.
12 Signs Of Imminent Crisis:
- Increased falls or risk of falls
- Wandering from home and/or getting lost
- Emergency Medical Services has been called to the home more than once in recent months
- Unable to remember to self-administer medications; has multiple expired medications
- Normally outgoing, has become withdrawn or secretive
- Difficulty with one or more activities of daily living such as bathing, preparing meals, using the bathroom, etc.
- Unsanitary living conditions; no longer keeping house clean
- Repeating questions or making multiple phone calls asking the same questions
- Confusion, agitation, unfounded accusations or suspiciousness
- Diagnosis or suspicion of dehydration and/or malnutrition
- Unsafe behavior (leaving the stove on, exterior doors opened)
- Deterioration of personal hygiene
Keep your strength and stamina in gear when deciding the next steps for your loved one. This is a process and it will take a lot of your energy to make the decision and then, if the decision is to move, it will take even more of your energy to get everything in place. Make sure you are surrounded by your own support system. And remember, as The Clash sang,
“If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double”
If you're having trouble deciding on if you or your loved one should move to an assisted living community, or if your loved one is having trouble accepting that it's time, or if members of your family are in disagreement about what's best, having a professional senior advocate assist you by providing guidance and advice will be extremely helpful.
I have helped hundreds of families in similar situations come to an agreement and find the right community, as well as worked out a care plan for their loved one that gave everyone peace of mind. Contact me for your free consultation- you'll be glad you did!